


Modifications

by vix_spes



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, texts from the tailors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 14:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7318273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vix_spes/pseuds/vix_spes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin doesn't just make and modify gadgets and weapons for the Kingsman agents...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Modifications

**Author's Note:**

> Based upon [this prompt](http://vix-spes.tumblr.com/post/144472466230/textsfromthetailors-207-seriously) at Texts from the Tailors on Tumblr. Huge thanks to isisanubis for the beta.

Merlin couldn't help but grumble as he found himself fiddling about with the contents of the secret compartment of his personal computer. He was having to replace his emergency stash of alcohol yet again and he knew that, if the Morrigan knew about its existence then he would be getting a scolding as though he were an errant schoolboy. Merlin may be the true power behind Kingsman but the Morrigan was in charge of anything that fell outside of Merlin's purview and, as far as the Morrigan was concerned, that included Merlin's health and general well-being when she felt he was ignoring it. Unfortunately, Merlin and the Morrigan rarely agreed on this particular subject; she was of the opinion that coffee and alcohol were no substitute for proper food and sleep and nothing Merlin said could change her mind.  
  
Her mother-henning hadn’t become any better since Merlin had started his relationship with Eggsy. In fact, it was quite possibly worse as she had found a formidable co-conspirator in Merlin’s younger lover. It really was quite impressive how much fussing Eggsy did for a bloke in his twenties. Then again, Merlin was far more willing to put up with Eggsy’s chiding to look after himself better than the Morrigan’s; Eggsy’s chiding came with unlimited blow jobs and particularly athletic sex.  
  
In all fairness, the emergency whisky should have lasted him at least another three weeks but there had been a glut of missions recently and they had had to send out every single agent they had. That in itself wasn't a problem; they had managed to replace the few knights that they had lost on V-day and things were running smoothly with Harry having taken over as Arthur. The problem was that he had been forced to send Bors and Pelleas out together.  
  
Both of them were exceptional knights but seemed determined to drive Merlin to drink as often as they possibly could with their antics. Alone they were bad enough but together? Well, there was a reason (or several) that Merlin was the only person who would act as their handler....  
  
Nimueh – Merlin’s second – had happily run the two of them for a while, being made of sterner stuff than the rest of the handlers, but even she had refused to run the two of them together after the mess that was Venezuela. She now ran Bors when he was on solo missions while Merlin ran Eggsy, refusing to let his lover be run by another handler and ready to hand their arse to whoever uttered the words ‘conflict of interest’. For the most part, the set-up worked wonderfully well.  
  
Merlin loved Eggsy – or Pelleas as he was known in the field – he really did, but as wonderful a knight as Eggsy was, he was truly unorthodox. That in itself wasn’t necessarily a bad thing and, more often than not, the fact that Eggsy had a tendency to think outside the box or do the unexpected worked in their favour. However, once in a while, Eggsy would do something that would drive Merlin to drink. If Eggsy was with Bors then, at some point or another during the mission, it was inevitable that the emergency stash would be broken into. Bors had a bit of a tendency to go overboard with the explosives full stop and when you combined his love of pyrotechnics with Eggsy’s propensity to think outside the box, well you were just asking for trouble.  
  
The thing was, while most would presume that it was the induction of Eggsy into the Kingsman ranks that had prompted Merlin to doctor his personal computer to hide an optic of highest quality whisky, nothing could be further from the truth. Contrary to popular belief, Eggsy was nowhere near the most troublesome agent that Kingsman had ever seen. Oh, he would easily make the top three but as to which agent would take the title? Well, that was a closely run battle between the late Lancelot and Galahad. Merlin had loved (still did love) them both dearly but the two of them would and could drive the most patient of saints mad.  
  
It had been during one of their early joint missions that he had been driven to the point of near insanity. What little hair that he had remaining was disappearing far too fast for his liking and he was seriously considering doing what Harry suggested and just shaving it all off. When he had grumbled that they were driving him to drink, Lancelot and Galahad had jokingly suggested that he should keep an emergency stash in his office that no-one knew about. It had been Lance who had suggested Merlin’s computer, clearly as a joke but it had got Merlin thinking. It had been the work of a few hours while he had some downtime running a mission to figure out the necessary schematics and not too much longer to actually do the work; all he had to do was rearrange the guts of his computer, add a couple of extra things and he had a fully-working optic that dispensed the finest (and highest proof) Scottish whisky whenever he had the need for it.  
  
Even now, Merlin wasn’t sure if he was proud or disappointed that the former Lancelot had gone to his grave not knowing that Merlin had taken his suggestion seriously and managed to make it viable.

(~*~)

  
In the end, Merlin’s secret emergency alcohol stash didn’t remain a secret for much longer although, much to his relief, it wasn’t the Morrigan who found out.  
  
It was Eggsy.  
  
Ironically, it was also mostly Eggsy’s fault that Merlin got caught out. Well, sort of.  
  
In addition to raising merry hell across Venezuela (again – Merlin still hadn’t worked out how their passports hadn’t been flagged), Bors and Pelleas had uncovered a cache of information that had caused their initial mission to snowball into something far bigger than expected. Merlin had even been forced to call Nimueh in to help, although she had only agreed on the condition that she received what she termed hazard pay in the form of a pair of Louboutin shoes, a spa weekend and the personal phone number of the current Lancelot. Merlin had agreed without hesitation, knowing full well just how much he needed her help and fairly confident that Roxy wouldn’t object too much. Besides, he very much needed her experience wrangling Bors and Pelleas.  
  
By the time that the two knights boarded the Kingsman jet, they left behind five enraged ambassadors, three distraught ambassadors wives (Bors), two distraught and furious ambassadors husbands (Pelleas), one rather promiscuous Minister of Interior Affairs (both Bors and Pelleas), two destroyed embassies, one exploded parliament building (and numerous exploded less significant buildings), damages running into millions of pounds and one island merrily blazing away.  
  
Merlin had had to resist the urge to face palm when, upon breaking this news to Harry, their Arthur had simply grinned and asked if Merlin had any of this on camera. Then again, considering that Harry was one half of the reason that Merlin had an emergency alcohol stash and how much of a hellion Harry had been as a young agent, hell even up until V-day, Merlin didn’t know why he had expected any other reaction. Instead, he had settled for glowering through the rest of his report and, as soon as he had finished, stomping back to his office sending people skittering for safety as they saw him coming.  
  
Once back in his office, Merlin couldn’t help but growl and curse at the discovery that Bors and Pelleas’ mission had been such a cluster-fuck from start to finish that the emergency stash had less than a measure left. Serious steps had to be taken. He had at least ten hours before the jet landed which should be plenty of time for what he intended to do. Of course, he should have known that that wouldn’t have been the case.  
  
It would have been all fine except half-way through modifying his computer to hold not just a few emergency measures of whisky but an entire bottle, he had started wondering whether it would be possible to modify the space to hold a weapon or two as well. Obviously, he had weapons stashed all around his office and the likelihood of the Kingsman estate ever being invaded was virtually impossible but it never hurt to be prepared for every possibility. He had managed to figure out how to get the whisky and a couple of knives hidden inside the computer but, perfectionist that he was, he wanted to see if he could squeeze a gun in there as well. He was up to his elbows in computer bits and pieces when the sound of Eggsy’s voice from the doorway caused him to jump, swearing viciously as he pulled a couple of cables loose. He had been so wrapped up in what he was doing that he hadn’t heard the sound of the door opening.  
  
“Merlin, you fucking leg’. Are you hiding weapons and whisky in your computer? I always knew you were a badass…”

**Author's Note:**

> If you would prefer to comment on LJ, you can do so [here](http://vix-spes.livejournal.com/246359.html)


End file.
